Lessons from a Big Change

Here we go again. Our lease renewal arrived, I took a couple trips out with a realtor and  logged many hours on to realtor.com. For the past 2 years, January has been the month of big decisions. Do we stay, do we buy a home, do we make another big change? Through all this contemplating, I've realized a few things.

What frustrates me most about our move is paying more money for much less space. It drives me wild. I can deal with moving to a small space. In fact, I've realized that our house was a bit too large for my taste. If we were paying less than we paid for our home than I'd be excited, but we are too close to NYC for that. It is what it is.  I was raised in a town with big yards and a variety of houses with logical prices. Additionally, I learned from Suze Orman that it's a good time to rent and to go slow when making the next house purchase.

I prefer smaller homes
After living in various style homes and now living in a 2{4}story townhouse apartment I've learned that we don't need a big house. If we had about another 400 sq ft I'd be super happy. I think layout makes all the difference as well.....and closet space. The closets in this apartment are not bad, it's just that we brought too much stuff with us.

It feels good to simplify
I cannot believe all the stuff we brought with us. This was after we purged, sold, and gave away much of our furniture and stuff back home. We also have a storage unit back home filled with some antiques, outside furniture, and things we were not ready to part with. Here, we have a garage semi-filled with things. We've been slowly purging and it feels wonderful. We have plans to simplify some more.


This change has stretched us
I realized this after our first move many years ago.....when in our hometown I felt a bit frozen. Whether we realize it or not, we acquire labels as we grow. Family & friends know certain things about us.  Mostly because they've been along on your life journey. My sister and mother have told me that they didn't realize I was as strong as I was. You see, back home I am the youngest of 5 children. My mother had me when she was 32. I'm the baby, and I'm pretty much treated like the baby whether I like it or not.  When I'm in a new town there are certain things I am forced to do....certain ways I am stretched beyond my comfort zone. I remember while living in Ohio, I started an infertility support group. This shy and sometimes insecure gal from upstate NY reached out to people and organized meetings. I also volunteered with the Red Cross. Much to my mother's surprise, I spent many nights alone in Ohio while Greg was traveling. I'm the girl who crawled in bed with her parents until I was in my teens. I'm the girl afraid of the dark. You do what you have to do, right?!  It may be my childhood friends who remember me being shy or my mom remembering that I don't like to sleep alone, but when you are in a new town with new people and a new way of doing things you often stretch yourself because you have to. And it's a very cool thing. You learn things about yourself {and your children} that you never knew before.

This current living situation is temporary.....there is hope in the future
When we first moved to this new city, and this new way of living I would laugh to myself and repeat "what are we doing? This is so strange." It took a long time to process the big changes. Life is very different here. It even took a while to realize that we could go into NYC or drive to the beach when the desire struck. I still have not figured out how to use the train {and there is a station in just about every town}. I started realizing that we should take all the opportunities and adventures we could fit in because we may move again. And that brings me to hope in the future. Sam reminded me the other day "we won't live here forever, we are just temporary". Oh yeah! This is a temporary living situation...... going into it's 3rd year.......but still it's temporary. That gets me super excited and hopeful.

Who do I think I am?
Ok, that is a thought that's been running through my mind a lot....and probably not in the way you may think. When I start thinking about what type of home I would like,  complaining about this or that, I think to myself.....who the heck do I think I am? There are so many people in need, so many homeless or hungry, so many lonely. I don't want to focus on wanting that crown molding or wood floor.....I want to keep my focus on realizing how thankful I am to have a nice place to live, thankful for the great job Greg has, thankful for the beautiful twins the Lord gave us, that I'm able to stay home with our boys, that I can go to the grocery store and buy the food of my desire, that I can drink clean water! I don't take these things for granted. I want to be content in the here and now.

Take it slow
When we first moved to NJ I had this idea in my head of how things would be {or should be}. Shy me became this dorky outgoing girl who would go up to people introduce myself and shake their hand. I soon became discouraged when I realized that people were not as friendly as I had hoped. I soon realized that we weren't in Kansas upstate NY anymore. People are a bit more guarded here, a bit less approacheable. I've made a few mistakes along the way....because I was anxious to recreate what I had back in NY.....I allowed some wrong folks into my life. My gut heart told me to run, but I ignored that gut heart feeling . Let me tell you....if the Lord is speaking to your heart....listen! It will save you a ton of heartache and trouble in the end. Also, when a friendship is the real deal {and a gift from the Lord} you just know it. You can just be yourself and they "get you". I've learned to trust the Lord to put the right people in my life, along my path. I've learned to take it slow and listen. Well, I do often babble, but I'm trying not to be the gal who fills up the silence in the room. Why do I think that's my job?? I've been burned a few times and had a couple of really odd situations happen here in NJ, but y'know what.....even those things were probably necessary to get me to this knowledge and this better {emotional}place. I'm SO thankful for the real, dear friends in my life......near & far. You are like gold to me, my dears {and you know who you are}.

It's ok to be homesick
There is no place like home. I'm not sure when/if we will live in our hometown again. I love that I can close my eyes and picture it all......the houses, the parks, the stores, the people. It's ours wherever we go....wherever we live. We will wrap up those special friends & family and take them with us wherever we go. I've found that I've sort of been living in two places.....back home & here. I've not fully given myself to this new state. In some ways, I've remained temporary. Maybe it's because we will move again, or maybe it's just part of the process. It's all about going forward, learning from the past, and embracing the now.

And yeah, I'm still learning from this big change. I'll keep you posted ;)

Praise On

Our kitchen wall had contained a messy cork board and white board. It was blah. Most of our framed art is in storage back in NY or wrapped tightly in the garage. I'm telling you....living with many things in storage is either causing us to

A. Decide we don't really miss what's in there and can pass it on to someone else, or....
B. Makes us miss it enough to unwrap and put into our temporary abode 

We've found a nice balance between A and B. In fact, with our next move {which could happen next month or next year}we are hoping to take even less stuff than we did during our big move.  Ok, back to the kitchen wall....

I've been keeping my eyes open for an inexpensive but fresh piece of art. Happy art....the kind that makes you smile when you look at it. After a semi successful art searching trip where I found the print with the pop of green, I had an a-ha moment. Why don't I paint some myself? That thought lasted for about 5 minutes. I blame part laziness and part I have no clue where my paints are and don't want to purchase new ones. And that's when I noticed some leftover Christmas gift wrap. I simply taped it to the back of an old 4 window photo frame I owned{after removing photos}.

Then my wheels really started turning. I remembered reading about some free prints online, quickly did a google search, and downloaded a print. That would be the Today will be the best day ever  print. I love that saying. Which leads me to my final picture/print.

 

This one really makes me smile because there is a story behind it. I was searching for some keep calm and carry on free downloads, quickly found some in various colors, chose my color and downloaded. It was so easy and fast. And then it started printing. I wasn't really paying attention, and quickly put it in the frame....and that's when I noticed it. It didn't say Keep Calm and Carry On.....it said.....

Keep Calm and Praise On

I got chills. Ok, maybe I was just crafting too quickly and it said it all along, but I'm telling 

you I never once saw that it actually said praise on until it was in the frame. Now that is happy art, the kind of art that makes me smile.

Want to know something?

I'm going to let you in on a few of my secrets. Not too scandalous, but totally real.

When the boys run upstairs to go play....I sometimes run for my stash of potato chips. I have a weakness for my chips. Add some french onion dip and I'm one happy gal. Speaking of the boys playing....lately they seem to have gotten louder. I hear Beanie Babies flying around, jumping , and tons of laughing. I get a little nervous that my neighbors may call to complain. I hate having to tell my boys to "try not to be so loud". They get into some elaborate "plays" and discussions that I overhear {so loud that I can't help overhearing!}. Love it. Sometimes they come out of their room all sweaty and panting for water. We {hugely}miss having our old basement and yard, but the boys are making the best of our situation.

Remember my little friend? Well, we love her, but I was still thinking of a Keurig. When I learned that the K is BPA free I decided to grab one. Greg and I both are very happy with this purchase. So easy. Such a time saver. The only problem is that I am now drinking way more coffee. Fall has arrived....perfect timing.

 I haven't been writing about our homeschool life....or about friends, family , etc.{ Feel free to ask me anything you want}. Yes, we still homeschool and we still have friends and family. For various reasons, I've just decided not to write details about those things. Though, I think I did a bit more in the past. Maybe in the future I will share and write about those things {like I used to, on my old blog} For now,  I'll stick to random thoughts, adventures, and food, etc.  And why am I babbling about this?? I don't know, thinking out loud. I've realized that I'm not sharing a big portion of our life. I'm sharing about a few things, but there is a bigger picture.

We didn't go into NYC last weekend. We went to Ikea instead.  I don't want to go into the city until I have a camera. I'm obsessively bargain shopping for a simple point & shoot. Greg keeps telling me to just buy one. I'm getting close...and then we'll go into the city. This Saturday?

Right before bed the other night Ross cut his toe on a basket. He came into our room and asked for a bandage. I quickly covered the cut and we went to bed. About 10 minutes later he comes to us saying that his toe stings. I took a closer look and saw that he had a giant piece of wood stuck in his toe. Hello! How did I miss that? We soaked, poked, and wiped tears as Greg worked to get the wood out. There were moments where we thought we'd be running to the ER. Thankfully, Greg got it out....and all is well. That same boy has lost 4 teeth within the last 2 months! One tooth fell apart before it was ready....which involved a trip to the dentist for an extraction. He's been a trooper through it all.

                              {the beach, post Irene....sadly, it's pretty yucky}

Indulge Me

As I was uploading the photos for the last post I came across some photos from our house. I had forgotten about some details.....certain pictures, pieces of furniture, flowers....random things.

The boys would always ask to get dropped off at the top of the driveway.....they loved racing my car home.

We miss Grandma and Grandpa's pool so much. I had many fun conversations with my mom and sister pool side.  

We miss the big toad in their fun little pond.

We loved having a big deck and yard. The yard. Greg does not miss mowing it {took him 3 hrs}, but I miss all the water sports we used to play. 

I sense a theme....one of the things we miss the most is our private outdoor space.

 The playroom.

There were many games of tag played in this room {great during the winter}.....I remember not having a clue about what to do with all the space. Funny how things change {or stay the same?}. Now, I have no clue what to do with lack of space. I also remember how long it took us to pick out the wood for the floors....the paint colors. For those who had been in this room.....do you remember the view? Ahhh, I loved it especially during the winter. Though, now our view is much more entertaining.....wish I could put into words the things I viewed today!

This basement was so great for dodge ball games 

This room was changed often. I dragged those cheap bookcases from room to room. I remember when they collapsed in the middle of the night .

I remember what a trooper Greg was....building my rain gutter bookshelves.

One of the first things we will install in our home {hoping}. 

 From what I hear, the new owners have not done a thing to our old house.

Thanks for indulging me. Greg is out of town.....it's super hot outside....so it was fun to take a little trip down memory lane.These photos actually get me excited for our next home. Who knows when it will happen, but it's so fun to imagine. In the meantime, we make the best of today, but also want to be thankful for yesterday. Good times.

Scenes From Our Move

The Internet and phone have been off for days. Crazy chaos. So glad to say goodbye to this floor plan....and those annoying rails (I called them baby gates)

I forgot about this bag of Tansy herb behind the bed. Ummm, the movers thought it was something else. Awkward.

{I think he's checking out my bag of Tansy}

We used my parent's metal cart for everything but the heavy pieces. Our townhouses were about 50 ft apart.

Lots of walking. We are all SO sore. I used muscles I had forgotten about.

Thankfully, the weather was great. That's a smashed pumpkin on the sidewalk....remains from the fall.

{waiting at our new entrance}

We have 2 of these big bears. They had to be carried up and down many stairs and barely made it in. Thank God for removable railings and strong men.

{the door next to us belongs to one of the only people we know in our complex

Our tiny decks are touching}

{so thankful for our new floor plan and our treetop temporary home}

Winter, Beach Style

 We were in the mood for one of our mini adventures.....because of the 'ol back situation we had been stuck home for a while. Greg's new treatment brought.....freedom. I love that our new state allows for visits to the ocean or the big city.




We heard there may be seals hanging out at this particular beach. We didn't find seals, but we found.......beauty and fun

We found history........and excitement in the form of this historic lighthouse and old army base.

We walked 95 winding steps to the top. Once there, we could see NYC.........massive ships......the ocean.....and more eye candy.

These little old army houses were awesome. I would love....love to renovate and live on this little peninsula. It hit us then......that would be something we may try to do in the future {not this particular historic site, of course....but somewhere}.

It was a wonderful Saturday....from beginning to end. I needed a day like that.

{now, the next day wasn't so fabulous....but this is real life, right?}

As I remind the boys.....each day is a new opportunity....a new beginning....His mercies are new each morning. Thank God for that.

Girl Obsessed

I'm a girl obsessed....really and truly. I woke up this morning thinking about colors....white, green, and blue. I went to bed last night thinking about our next move....and how I am so beyond excited to get this {rental}house in order. Start fresh. That's my new favorite word....fresh.

The boys were snuggling with me.....so I shared my thoughts of....white, green, and blue. The boys said they were thinking of ......red.

I told them that they could have red.....I'll stick to my green and blue.

                                             But, I would accept some orange, too.

I just want.....fresh, clean, and organized.

We have a lot of black furniture....so I thought that this might work....

Goals are good, right? A girl can dream.

Decisions, stir crazy, and wings

Decisions!

Do we go for space and sacrifice beauty......or beauty and sacrifice space? We found a decent townhome to rent, but it's dreary and ugly. The inside isn't awful.....the outside is pretty bad. Which is weird because it's in a good town, good location. It has a pool...that's a bonus.

Or, do we stay in our newer complex and have less space? We are getting close to our move date and still frantically looking for a house to rent. The good thing is that it's just for the year. This time next month we will be packing....yippeee! I'm looking forward to the change.

They boys are going a bit stir crazy.....running around, some teasing between brothers, more running around....which is making me a bit crazy. 

Greg saw a guy from our church on Man Vs. Food (food network show).....he was at a restaurant at the shore.....eating really hot wings(ridiculous hot). We can't wait to go try the restaurant out....I'll skip the wings.

UC: Part 2

 When I tell you that I can remember just about every detail of that experience....believe it. I can remember it like yesterday. On the floor.....crying.....crying out to the Lord......and it felt like I was completely surrounded by warmth. I really don't want to speak in "christianese" while describing this experience, but it was just so powerful. From that moment everything changed....my attitude or view about everything changed. Because of that moment, I viewed our decision to separate differently....and I became determined to restore things. Ok...so, as I said....I'm not going to go into more detail about all that because it would take pages. I will write aobut it later and give it it's own post.....some pretty crazy stuff happened. Thankfully, I had a great support network via the phone.....being alone in Ohio and ...cold Minneapolis... was an interesting experience.

I'm going to skip all the in-between stuff and get back to why I was writing about this. I'm not sure if I would have asked the Lord into my heart if I had stayed in my hometown....in my comfortable home, with my comfortable surroundings....not to mention my fun-party lifestyle. Why would I want to change any of that?

Why? Because I had no idea that life could be so much better.....so much deeper.....so different.

Ok, so that was a big thing. That move brought a big change. After a whole bunch of stuff (remember the in-between stuff I'm skipping(for now)?) Greg also re-committed his heart to the Lord.....we decided to save our marriage....we decided that were meant to be together....and that we couldn't imagine being with anyone else.  So, then another big thing happened.....we decided to stop our infertility treatments and end our journey traveling from doctor to doctor. We knew that was a road we had worn out....a road that had worn us down. After realizing .....hey, maybe we would never be parents....we amazingly found our way to our precious twins.

Again, I'm fairly certain that the circumstances that led us to our boys....would not have happened if we stayed in our hometown, in our new house, near all that was comfortable, near all whom we loved.

So, all that got me thinking......how weird that once again......

We had recently moved into our new home....actually lived in it just about the same amount of time as that other house ...from over 10 years ago....and we were also still doing construction on it. We were surrounded by great friends and family....and life was good. We never....ever....ever....thought we would move again...ever.

But....once again.....we did....we have. Makes me think a little. Makes me a little nervous....a little excited. It just all seems so....ground hog day-ish. Didn't we go through that emotional, crazy, wonderful move back home? Weren't we settled? Weren't we supposed to build that house? Were we even supposed to ever move back home?

Greg made a comment once that it seems like the Lord wants us away from our hometown. Not sure why. I do notice that we seem to grow in different ways while we are out on our own "island". We miss everyone so much.....and life sure is different here. Interesting and good, but very different. Different can be good, right?

Unexpected Change

I've been trying to get a bit of exercise in. I really notice that my mood is so much better after I've gotten my heart pumping. So, while the boys were playing around our complex play area....I decided to go on a brisk walk around the various courts. There are a number of complex buildings....and a ton of windows facing the play area. I often wonder who is watching and what they must be thinking as they watch me walk in circles.

I like to take that time to make phone calls, pray{talk to the Lord}, and think about things. Something hit me strong during my last walk. Something I had not connected before.

Many years ago, back in the late 90's.....I had an amazing job as a nanny. We had purchased a really neat house in the neighborhood that Greg grew up in.....we had great friends and family around us. Greg had a decent job and everything was going well. We had been totally renovating our new home over a 2 year process.....we were also desperately trying to have a baby. Things were emotional because of that.....but for the most part....things were really good.

But then......things changed. Greg was offered a job in Ohio. A really good job. He really wanted to take the job....I knew that we needed to move forward....it was a great opportunity for him and I knew that I did not want to stand in the way of his career. I didn't want to go....I didn't want to leave the family that I nannied for...we had been together for 10 years. I watched their children grow from infants to sweet young girls. But, I also knew that eventually Greg and I would have our own children and.....basically, I knew that I just needed to be ok with it....to move. But, I wasn't ok with it....that's a story for another post. I can say this....I don't believe that I've ever gotten over that move. It still makes me sad to think about what I left.

But.....big but there......some very intense things happened because of that move. Again....I'll save the details of each individual and life changing situation.....but for this post, in a nutshell.....

That move brought us to an even more emotional place in our journey to be parents....to have a baby. And folks....it just about ruined our marriage. Again, in a nutshell.....about a year after our move to Ohio...and then to Minneapolis....our boxes were packed. Packed for separate moves. Yep, we had reached our emotional end....and were ready to go in different directions. Then something I didn't expect happened....all of that brought me to an ultimate point of being broken....heart and mind. And being filled with constant tears...and being totally alone in a new state......it all brought me to a point of calling out to a God  I didn't know. It caused me to open a book I didn't understand. And it changed my life forever.  

.....to be continued.

High Hopes

Just what makes that little 'ol ant.....

I have so many things I need to do. I need to simplify some more. This has been a really, truly hard task. I am having a hard time deciding what should go and what should stay. Should stay meaning....what I can't let go of.  I look around our small space....by the way-Greg and I determined that our whole living space is the size of 1/2 of our old playroom.... and I feel like I'm living in a one room school house. Now, that is fine and dandy....and pretty much due to the fact that we homeschool. Creating an environment that is full of learning opportunities....or opportunities for creative play is important to me. I only have a few more years before my little men turn into teenagers. I guarantee that our living space will be very different in a few years. But, these are the days we are in.....and these days are filled with little building things, constructive things, sports things, and books galore.

Thinks he can move that rubber tree plant....

I don't mind living in a one room school house....heck, it's pretty fun. But, I would really, truly love for our one room school house to have some style. I've thought about calling in the HGTV experts to give me a hand, but that wouldn't make sense since we are renting....and moving in a less than 3 months(can you hear the Hallelujah chorus?) So, mentally I know that I need to do something....organize, simplify, get off my butt.....the only problem is that physically I am worn out. I'm once again feeling so incredibly tired that it's disrupting my day....my plans. The mind has a will, but the body says no way.

Anyone knows an ant can't move a rubber tree plant.....

But I am determined....I have high hopes for change. I will eat better, try to exercise(even if that means running around the playground), I will take baby steps, and try to live the thankfulness that I feel in my heart. Each day I am determined to do a little bit more.....and by golly, I guarantee just as we are about to move....I will have our small space filled with style. And of course, then I can start all over on our next space.

She's got high hopes, she's got high hopes. She's Got high apple pie in the sky hopes

* I want to add that I love living in a small space, if I could only get it organized. Less is more!

Our Own Musical Variety Show

 A new upstairs neighbor moved in this week. There are actually 2 apartments above us.....each contain 2 floors within their apartments. One apartment is over our bedrooms.....the other apartment is over our living space. Below the boys bedroom is our neighbor's garage.....up and down the garage goes....at all hours of the night. It makes me crazy. It also sort of makes me uncomfortable having a garage....with a car....right below my boys bedroom. That's just me....just one of my pet peeves.

We've experienced all sorts of different noises.....kids running....what sounded like someone bowling......someone walking on their treadmill. Yep, this is all very new to us. Remember, we moved from the country.....barely a neighbor around. We could be as loud as we wanted....and never worried about someone elses "life" noises being too loud for us.

About the musice.....it seems the neighbors over our bedrooms favor fast paced latin music. Our new neighbor.....wow......he is a big fan of the 70's. As we were eating our lunch.....I suddenly started singing "Bye,Bye, Miss American Pie....drove my chevy to the levy,but the levy was dry...." and then I stopped. The boys looked at me a bit strange and wondered what was this pie I spoke of..... and a chevy? what's a levy? I explained it was a song I used to know...back in the day. On and on it went through the day.....70's song after 70's song....and nowI can't get the melodies out of my head.

I'm counting down the days until we move(within our complex). Though, I'm going to embrace this interesting setting.....this new experience. Sam wondered if it would be rude to hit the ceiling with a broom and exclaim "hey, we are trying to sleep down here".....I suggested that it wouldn't be very neighborly to do so....but then I wondered....where did Sam even get that idea?

And so the weekend begins.....

Oct 31, 2010

I've had mixed thoughts about this day for many years. One thing is for sure......we have never trick or treated before. That is, before this year. This was the boy's first year going door to door and bagging their candy.

We've done something different each year.....we've gone out to eat with Grandma and Papa, spent the evening with friends, had fall parties.....or have given out candy, but have not trick or treated. There were years where we gave the boys a choice....and they chose to stay home and give out candy. There were years where we felt that we just did not want to participate. I thought this year would be another year like that. I won't go into details....I know that this day can be controversial in Christian circles.....but, this year we decided to take the boys around our complex.

We put together a couple of Mario and Luigi outfits.....of course....and then the boys and I hit the sidewalk. There is something interesting and special about waiting until your children are 8 years old ...to take them trick or treating for the first time. With each door they were SO enthusiastic. They gave big thank yous....and nice to see you....have a great day.....wow, I got a Nestle crunch....or a tootsie roll. You would think that each candy was the most special they ever held....or that....each doorstop was the home of a new and special friend. It was priceless.

I don't think I....and most of the people we encountered.....had laughed so hard in a very long time. The boys would stop other children and tell them how great they thought their costumes were.....they would greet each parent with a big hello. Again, it was just so funny.

They enjoyed their candy for most of the next day....and now...they have totally forgotten all about it. They have a huge bowl of candy......which Greg and I have been feasting on.....but the boys have barely had any. Now we are counting the days until Thanksgiving......

Unchanging Change

When we found out that we'd be moving from our country setting to a metro suburban area.....well, I had many plans in my head. Plans for change. I truly love looking at life as if it's a big glass full of water.....at least half full. Unfortunately, I think I've fooled myself. I thought I was looking at things in that positive way, but really....honestly......my glass always felt half empty. Before our move I had been frustrated with myself....I was stuck in some negative thought patterns and I couldn't get myself to change. Sort of the Fred Flinstone of change.....legs spinning, wheels not moving.

Negative thought patterns....that's one area. That's an area that could somewhat be hidden. Accumulating clutter was an area that could not. Actually, it could be hidden well in our last home.....there were closets and space galore. I'm starting to wonder if God purposely gave us limited options for our new home.....it's a relatively small space with nowhere to hide/store things. Our clutter is exposed......therefore, our clutter needs to be dealt with.

Are you following me here? I can no longer hide ....from myself....the need for me to change my negative thought patterns and my stuff. It's been about 6 months since our move and I'm finally realizing that I need to stop thinking about the change that needs to take place....I need to live it. Actually get off my butt and live it.....decluttering my thoughts and my closets. Out with the old, neatly storing the treasures, and making room for the fresh~positive~.....change. It's time for me to stop talking about change....and to start changing.

And that's where the battle may start........more on that....