Just Being Human

Time for a little....heart on the sleeve moment.....

Do you ever have moments where you want to have a little tantrum over things going on in your life....but then you feel bad about that because you see there are so many blessing as well? Do you ever get annoyed because things don't fall into place, but you also see how others are going through far worse things.....so then you feel guilty for being a little baby about your situation? Am I making any sense here? It's ok if I'm not. That's the week I've had....I'm thankful....and irritated.....and grateful....and annoyed.....and......and.....ugh!!!

Let me first say that... I am semi-failing... at waiting to check my email until the afternoon. I don't have a whole lot going on in my little life right now.....checking email makes me feel a little connected. I am waiting, but not until the afternoon.

I'm feeling really lazy. I need to start prepping for our Jan-Feb move(nothing set in stone, yet), but I just can't physically get myself to. I've been gaining a little weight....just a few pounds around the middle. I need to start walking...something.....but again, the oomph is missing.

 The big thing that has got me in a little slump....a slump that I am determined to get out of ....has to do with our living situation. I find this very ironic(maybe even hypocritical) because I had just being feeling content and so thankful for all we have. Suddenly....out of nowhere.....I'm really missing owning a home. I miss decorating. I know...so ridiculous....but I am so tired of these tan walls. On one hand I shout for joy for Kayla and her family.....and then on the other hand I am being a big grumpy baby...missing our huge yard and wide open floor plan. The thing that gets me really annoyed is that our rent is more than our mortgage was. If we were paying less....I would be thrilled. It would make living in our new space a bit more tolerable. The fact that housing is so outrageous in metro NJ just gets me mad.

 I know....I told you that I am having a little tantrum. I have been having little panic attacks in the middle of the night.....wondering where is our "home". I feel like a nomad. Too many boxes sit unpacked in our garage....too many memories hidden away. I'm grieving over the house I dream about, but I'm also thankful over the opportunity that He has given us. How does that make any sense?

I'm all mixed up....is what I am. Like I said....I'm thankful.....and annoyed.....feeling guilty.....and grateful. Ugh.

Perspective

The weather in NJ has been really odd...but I sort of like it. It's warm and humid....and rainy. I'm still wearing flip flops and wondering when it will be boot season. Not that I'm hoping for cold....this has been a nice summer extension. Today...in between rain storms....we ran out to do an errand. As we were walking to the car some of our neighborhood buddies came riding and running up.  Have I mentioned how unique and just adorable these kids are? A bit rough around the edges....and just so full of life. Have I mentioned that I've never seen or met their parents? I feel a bit protective of them....as does the policeman who patrols our complex each evening. He knows them all by name and has shared a few stories.

It seems that a few of the families live here so their children can attend the school in our town....yet the parents still work in the city(not sure if it's NYC or Newark?). He shared that their parents are rarely around. I don't really understand it....but I can imagine what he was implying.  Plus, the city is only 15 miles away, but it can be a long commute if traffic is bad. It can take Greg either 20 minutes or 3 hours to get into the city....just depends.Maybe they choose not to come home some nights? I'm not sure, I can't figure it out and didn't want to ask too many details. We are known as a bedroom community....the train station is right down the road. I often see people ....early in the morning....running for the train shuttle. Anyway.....on to my perspective moment....and back to our neighborhood buddies.

Of our buddies.....4 of them are sisters(ranging in age from 4-14) Their mom is a single working mom....from what they say....a hard working gal. It seems that she has been applying for the Habitat for Humanity lottery for 10 years. Today, little 9 yr old Kayla ran up to us with a huge smile. She said...."I'm so happy my mouth hurts. We won the lottery!!". Now, I was thinking...."you won the lottery?what?". She went on to say..."we won a Habitat for Humanity lottery.....we are finally getting  a house!!". My heart just swelled for this girl....for this family. I'm hoping we can be part of the building of this home....how cool would that be?!

Again, I thought to myself...as I was driving away.....how amazing....I really can't put it into words. Hearing the news our little friend shared just put so much into perspective. Literally....daily....I feel like the Lord is showing me things and speaking to my heart. I'm not sure what it all means, but I'm trying to listen and learn.

Life Online

I've been simplifying different areas of my life. Purging closets is an obvious place to start....and a very gratifying place as well. After reading some articles on simplifying(thank you Carole!)....I've also been trying to simplify my online time. I started with going online less. As I look back over the past year...and when my blog was public....I was online a lot. I felt this burden to keep my blog posts current. I enjoyed it as well, but clearly it was too much time being spent in cyber space. Since going private I have gradually decreased my online time. It just happened...it wasn't planned. I started writing less....and I started reading blogs less. I still try to visit my friend's blogs, but often it's through google reader. I regret that I don't often have time to jump on and comment....or I mean to come back to and get distracted. In the 'ol days....I would blog hop....it's amazing how easy it is to jump from one blog to the next. After a while, I would forget where I started. I'd have this glazed over and worn out look.....blog eyes! I also used to do a lot of homeschool surfing....looking at curriculum or reading message boards on teaching. Now, I still try to do a bit of each...have to be honest. Though, I've cut way back.

This is the thing......

 Back to the article I read....it shared that a great way to start your day is WITHOUT reading your email first. The author suggests that you wait until much later in the day. I'm telling you......I've started doing that....and I really like it. I don't want to allow the computer to get a great percent of my day. I don't want to put it first....or even second...or third.

The problem is.....most everyone connects through the computer these days. People don't write letters as much....or even make phone calls as much. On one hand.....who has time for lots of phone calls? But.....I truly appreciate the intimacy of a phone call.....or even an email vs. a note on Facebook.

If I stop going online as much.....will my relationships suffer. I sort of think they will and it makes me sad. I also like phone calls more than email, Facebook and other online sources because there is a clearer understanding of tone...and mood. Ya know what I mean? I believe there have been many misunderstandings through online connections. At least, I know I have experienced some myself.

In the past week I've had 2 friends go private with their blogs....and 2 friends deactivate their Facebook account. I thought it was great....I'm thinking of deactivating my FB status as well. The thing with FB.....I rarely go on. When I do....I don't go on other people's pages....I would feel like I was snooping. But because I don't go on other people's pages......they probably think I'm ignoring them. Ugh. Do you see how messed up online media really is?? I know that so many people love FB and various online sources......I truly know how valuable they can be as well (remember we found Ross/Sam online!!!). I just don't want relationship status to be determined by blogging or FB. Give me a good old fashioned letter(or even a personal email) or phone call anyday.

*BTW-I've never heard of anyone regretting spending less time online. If anything, I always hear how much happier they are...or how much they accomplished....or how much fun they had with their kid...or cooked more...organized more....read more books....exercised more.....compared less!

Visitors and another day at the beach

We had some semi-surprise visitors a couple weekends ago. My friend, Mindy, and I planned for their visit....but we didn't let any of the boys know. Mindy's boys are couple of years older than my guys....but they have grown up together and love their boy time. The way they ran up and hugged each other was priceless. They were only staying for 2 nights and 1 full day. We decided to go to the beach on Saturday....we were disappointed when we got there....the beach was closed because of high tide.

We all sat on the beach and stared at the waves....along with tons of other people.

Mindy cracked me up....she spent the day in long pants and a long sleeve tee....2 hats and an umbrella. 

The lifeguards entertained everyone by body surfing in the high tides.

There were a few arcades and a small amusement park....that made up for the lack of water time.

This picture was taken at our apartment complex. I'll have to post more pictures of where we live soon. It'ssoooo different from our house.

Now, we are gearing up for grandma and grandpa's visit....not sure what's on the agenda yet. I'm behind in many things that I've wanted to blog about....I've just been so darn tired.

The Beach