I've been feeling a little weathered lately. Things are fine, but internally I have some worries that always seem to be lingering just below the surface. I'm sure most parents have some sort of worry/concern/stress that is always silently hidden below the surface. Or not? I don't know, maybe it is just me. Being an INFJ (meyers-briggs), I learned that it's perfectly normal that I wonder about things (analyze), and wear my heart on my sleeve.....but I guess the whole Meyers-Briggs thing is a whole other subject.
As I was making lunch today (and as my boys were playing basketball outside), I thought about how I wish I could wear a sign that explains certain things about my sweet boys. I could walk ahead of them and flash my mom sign (yeah, my tween boys would cringe). Part of me thinks I owe no explanations and that Greg and I know how their personalities work so who cares if others make false assumptions. Then there is another part of me that wants so much for people to see who they really are.To see the smart and funny side of them. Maybe I want to protect them from being hurt? My sign would possibly cause certain people to give them a second chance, heck, a first chance, and not just dismiss my boys because they didn't say a word.
My sign might say......
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Before you judge my boys please know.....
Yes, I know they are tall/broad/big boys.....but they are only 12 (a young 12). Please don't expect them to think/act like a 14 year old. Also, just because they are husky don't assume they are not active and that they eat junk all day. If you knew us, you would know how health conscious we are, and how active we are. Genetics can be rough, people! They are built just like their birth father (a handsome, strong man). And please ,thoughtfully, consider how awkward it may be for them to most often be bigger than their friends. I was always the shortest/smallest among my peers growing up. I know how awkward that can be. But you know what? In a few years, they will love being big, strong, broad men.
Please don't confuse their being quiet as being uninterested or rude. Let me assure you, once they feel comfortable with you they will be chatterboxes. You should see them when they facetime with their good friend from NJ, or hang out with our old friends. They talk and laugh non-stop. They've told me that they try to find something in common when meeting new people, but sometimes that takes a while. Please don't walk away if they take a while to answer your question. They've shared with me that sometimes it takes them a little time to process their answer, and other times didn't even realize they were being spoken to (since they have gotten used to being ignored). How about crowds? That can be even harder. They often don't feel comfortable in crowds, and don't always know how to penetrate a group (umm, hello-I think many adults feel the same way).
Homeschooling did not cause their "shyness". They are who they are. I know plenty of home schoolers who are not "shy". Again, those kids are who they are. For most homeschoolers, the "S" word is not an issue...for us, maybe regular school would have helped them come out of their shell a bit. Maybe not. It is what it is.
*it's an area Greg and I think about often, and are always actively trying to expose the boys to new things and guide the boys in that area.
**shy is not an accurate label for them, but for lack of a better word.....
I hope you get to experience their funny, chatty, deep-thinking side. They love big, and care deeply. I hope you get to know that side of them. They truly are unique and awesome boys and I am honored to be their mom.
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I know that sign would be ridiculous and is a bit lengthy. In reality, I think we all could benefit by wearing a sign.
You'd be surprised how many times a week I have to address a question related to the topics listed in my faux sign. Sometimes I will share or explain certain things....other times I sort of brush off the question. Why do people sum up others in a matter of minutes? And why is everyone supposed to blend in? Blending in is so boring.
I am thankful for close friends who love and encourage my boys. I'm thankful for coaches and teachers who get to know them and share sweet stories about them. I'm thankful for people who have taken the time (and sometimes it takes a lot of time) to get to know them. Most of all....I am thankful that God chose Greg and me to be their parents. He entrusted them to us. How we were connected with them reminds me that they were chosen for us.
I do find it a bit ironic that I was a super reserved child. It's amazing how we push ourselves through certain things for the love of our children. Maybe it's because I don't want them to struggle the way I often did. Who am I kidding? I am still a somewhat reserved adult. Again, it is what it is. I'm determined to view the cup half full.
While writing this I received a call from Greg's dad. He shared how the boys joked and chatted with the owner of a restaurant while out to eat with him the other day. Funny how he called just when I needed a little boost of encouragement in that area. I'm praying that the Lord keeps me focused on the positives. Hopeful....
