This may get a little long:)
I left off with G-man and I deciding to stop IF treatments. I was so relieved to finally let go of the treatment part of our journey to become parents. My body was thrilled. I had been poked and prodded for so many yrs.
I shifted from researching infertility/ASA to researching adoption. I called each agency that I thought was legitimate--in various states. We were living in Michigan, a state that turned out to be pretty adoption friendly. That was just one of many pieces that the Lord put in place for us. I also researched a bit online. There were many adoption specific message boards that turned out to have a ton of info to help us. We started throwing our balls up in the air by applying with a few agencies.
We started following all the required steps for a successful adoption. This included preparing a profile. A profile is basically a bunch of photos and an autobiography. At the same time, we had to start a home study. We found a wonderful social worker who worked for a Christian agency. In fact, they required you to share your testimony on the application. It was great to know that those involved in your adoption case would be praying for you as well. Both the agencies we ultimately worked with were wonderful.
I talked with facilitators, lawyers and tons of agencies. The whole time I was on an adoption message board asking questions. It was a great place to read encouraging stories and learn the process. On an adoption message board I had shared that we were open to any child, any race or situation . One day I rec'd an email from someone on the board. Someone that was a stranger. I'm guessing that there was an option to send an email through the board and that's how she/he got my email address. I have to believe it was divine intervention as well!! The person sent a brief note telling me of an adoption situation out west. I immediately called the agency and spoke with the owner.
Yes! There was a birth mother who had just registered with the agency(out West). Though, the birth couple actually lived in the south. They were a mixed race couple and they were having.....twins! Twins?! The birth mom was due in a few months and scheduled to look at profiles a couple days from then. I had to kick butt on my profile!! I threw it together so fast....but actually, I think it turned out sweet. I shipped it off and we waited.
I can't remember all that went on while we waited. I know there were doubts, excitement, tears and tons of prayer. Tons of it. We had all our family and friends back home waiting and praying for us. A few days later we got the call.....we were......CHOSEN! Are you kidding me? I'm not going to lie....fear stepped in. We were happy and terrified at the same time. There is always that worry that the adoption will fall through. That the birth parents will change their mind. And twins!!? We had our first phone meeting with the birth mom, this helped to settle some of those fears.
She was a lovely, smart and confident woman. A woman who was my age! Statistically, the b-moms are usually teens. I still find it so interesting that they were both our age. She shared their story and the circumstances that brought them to that place. They were 100% going to give the babies for adoption. We chatted and over a few weeks got to know each other.
We were told that because our birth mom had developed gestational diabetes there was a good chance that she would deliver early. We were hoping that the boys weight and time in the womb reached a healthy spot. At the same time....the birth mom just wanted to deliver. I can only imagine how uncomfortable she was feeling, but we were also worried about the health of the twins.
I actually started to purchase a few things to prepare. I did not know what to do. How much do you buy? Do I buy 2 of everything?? I remember buying 2 car seats, returning them...and then buying them again. We decided to purchase anything else we needed while in Florida. G-man's employer at the time was ready for him to take off at a moments notice. They actually were wonderful about our adoption situation--they even implemented an adoption benefit for all employees while learning of our situation(we chose to use a an adoption tax credit instead,thank you President Bush--wonderful opportunity for adoptive families!).
We got the call that our b-mom was in labor, packed our bags and started on our 18 hour drive--only stopping once. Unfortunately, we missed the delivery!!! Plus, certain paper work was not in order so the hospital was not that happy to see us. That's about when I broke down in tears. They would not let us see the twins! Finally, the b-mom insisted that we be allowed to visit and we all met in person. I can picture it to this day. The memory of the birth father's face is fading, but I can remember how nice he was(and what he was wearing?). The b-mom was so sweet, she actually saved her desert from her dinner for me.
The boys were born premature, but at a healthy weight of almost 7lbs each. Praise God, they did not have to go to NICU. There was some jaundice so we did have to leave them for a few days in the hospital. We quickly ran to the local Target and bought a double stroller, pack n play to use as a crib and anything else we could think of. Another glitch, the hospital would not let me feed the babies without the b-mom present. There were a bunch of funky little things that happened....but all that matters is that finally(after a few days) we were able to leave the hospital. We just could not leave the state....ughhh! We had to wait for an interstate comp agreement to be signed before we were allowed to cross the border.
Can you imagine living in a hotel for the first couple weeks that your babies were born? We kept moving from hotel to hotel,driving closer and closer to the border. Before we left, we were able to visit with the birth mom a couple of times. She would come to our hotel for dinner. I will be honest, that was tough. What do you say? There was so much to say! How do you say the biggest thank you of your life!? We eventually exchanged some gifts and said good-bye. It is an open adoption, but we've lost touch. I know we will see her again one day. That is all in the Lord's hands. As for the b-father....he was a really nice man. We respect that he wanted to maintain privacy, no pictures or contact information exchanged.
Finally, we got the call and were off on our long drive home. It was wonderful to arrive back in MI, but sort of weird as well. We were far from home and had no local friends. It was just us for one year.For that first year we had no help, no babysitters and lived in an apartment--with most of what we owned in boxes or in storage. Those were exhausting days. They were also wonderful, bonding days.
We took the boys home for a couple of visits before finally deciding that climbing the corporate ladder was not as important as being near those we loved.....those who would love the boys. G-man decided to leave his current position and join his family business {his father had been asking him to do that for a long time}We went home for a weekend to look for a house, but we were unsuccessful. It was hard to travel the long way home to look for a house so we asked my mom(a realtor) to choose one for us!! We did not even see it until the closing! I still can't believe that.
This adoption has been the greatest surprise and gift....one we could never have imagined. Our boys have brought us such love and joy. I have to say the long battle with infertility, the strain it placed on our marriage, waiting for years....it was all worth it.
