My Hormone Haiku

 My Haiku

Hormones wreak
Havoc on the heart and mind
I need chocolate

Is that how you spell havoc? It didn't show up wrong in spell check, but you never know. It's been a day. A day where I feel all weepy, wonky, and annoyed. I decided to try and make myself laugh at the day instead. That's why I wrote that little haiku up above. It represents my day. Seems that Greg had a similar day. He just came home from work and showed me his pants. Apparently, first thing in the morning they split up the back. Can you imagine? I giggle just picturing it. Fortunately, he's the type of guy that would chuckle as soon as it happened. Still, it's a good representation of the day.

I've learned that sometimes you just have to go with your hormones.....or split pants. Accept and understand how you are feeling.....knowing that tomorrow will be a new day. Those around me are learning this coping mechanism, too. Greg just walked in the room with a bowl of soup.....I asked him to please go in the other room because right now the sound of someone eating soup would just about send me over the edge. Fortunately, he's the type of guy that also would chuckle at that.... and then leave the room.

Please don't judge me. It's just one of those days. It involved Capoiera teacher's not showing up, my car still stinking like vomit, and just all around feeling "off ".

Have you ever written a haiku?

Greg just dictated one to me.....

Pants split
Man swallows pride
Coffee

How do you deal with crazy hormone days?

Lessons from a Big Change

Here we go again. Our lease renewal arrived, I took a couple trips out with a realtor and  logged many hours on to realtor.com. For the past 2 years, January has been the month of big decisions. Do we stay, do we buy a home, do we make another big change? Through all this contemplating, I've realized a few things.

What frustrates me most about our move is paying more money for much less space. It drives me wild. I can deal with moving to a small space. In fact, I've realized that our house was a bit too large for my taste. If we were paying less than we paid for our home than I'd be excited, but we are too close to NYC for that. It is what it is.  I was raised in a town with big yards and a variety of houses with logical prices. Additionally, I learned from Suze Orman that it's a good time to rent and to go slow when making the next house purchase.

I prefer smaller homes
After living in various style homes and now living in a 2{4}story townhouse apartment I've learned that we don't need a big house. If we had about another 400 sq ft I'd be super happy. I think layout makes all the difference as well.....and closet space. The closets in this apartment are not bad, it's just that we brought too much stuff with us.

It feels good to simplify
I cannot believe all the stuff we brought with us. This was after we purged, sold, and gave away much of our furniture and stuff back home. We also have a storage unit back home filled with some antiques, outside furniture, and things we were not ready to part with. Here, we have a garage semi-filled with things. We've been slowly purging and it feels wonderful. We have plans to simplify some more.


This change has stretched us
I realized this after our first move many years ago.....when in our hometown I felt a bit frozen. Whether we realize it or not, we acquire labels as we grow. Family & friends know certain things about us.  Mostly because they've been along on your life journey. My sister and mother have told me that they didn't realize I was as strong as I was. You see, back home I am the youngest of 5 children. My mother had me when she was 32. I'm the baby, and I'm pretty much treated like the baby whether I like it or not.  When I'm in a new town there are certain things I am forced to do....certain ways I am stretched beyond my comfort zone. I remember while living in Ohio, I started an infertility support group. This shy and sometimes insecure gal from upstate NY reached out to people and organized meetings. I also volunteered with the Red Cross. Much to my mother's surprise, I spent many nights alone in Ohio while Greg was traveling. I'm the girl who crawled in bed with her parents until I was in my teens. I'm the girl afraid of the dark. You do what you have to do, right?!  It may be my childhood friends who remember me being shy or my mom remembering that I don't like to sleep alone, but when you are in a new town with new people and a new way of doing things you often stretch yourself because you have to. And it's a very cool thing. You learn things about yourself {and your children} that you never knew before.

This current living situation is temporary.....there is hope in the future
When we first moved to this new city, and this new way of living I would laugh to myself and repeat "what are we doing? This is so strange." It took a long time to process the big changes. Life is very different here. It even took a while to realize that we could go into NYC or drive to the beach when the desire struck. I still have not figured out how to use the train {and there is a station in just about every town}. I started realizing that we should take all the opportunities and adventures we could fit in because we may move again. And that brings me to hope in the future. Sam reminded me the other day "we won't live here forever, we are just temporary". Oh yeah! This is a temporary living situation...... going into it's 3rd year.......but still it's temporary. That gets me super excited and hopeful.

Who do I think I am?
Ok, that is a thought that's been running through my mind a lot....and probably not in the way you may think. When I start thinking about what type of home I would like,  complaining about this or that, I think to myself.....who the heck do I think I am? There are so many people in need, so many homeless or hungry, so many lonely. I don't want to focus on wanting that crown molding or wood floor.....I want to keep my focus on realizing how thankful I am to have a nice place to live, thankful for the great job Greg has, thankful for the beautiful twins the Lord gave us, that I'm able to stay home with our boys, that I can go to the grocery store and buy the food of my desire, that I can drink clean water! I don't take these things for granted. I want to be content in the here and now.

Take it slow
When we first moved to NJ I had this idea in my head of how things would be {or should be}. Shy me became this dorky outgoing girl who would go up to people introduce myself and shake their hand. I soon became discouraged when I realized that people were not as friendly as I had hoped. I soon realized that we weren't in Kansas upstate NY anymore. People are a bit more guarded here, a bit less approacheable. I've made a few mistakes along the way....because I was anxious to recreate what I had back in NY.....I allowed some wrong folks into my life. My gut heart told me to run, but I ignored that gut heart feeling . Let me tell you....if the Lord is speaking to your heart....listen! It will save you a ton of heartache and trouble in the end. Also, when a friendship is the real deal {and a gift from the Lord} you just know it. You can just be yourself and they "get you". I've learned to trust the Lord to put the right people in my life, along my path. I've learned to take it slow and listen. Well, I do often babble, but I'm trying not to be the gal who fills up the silence in the room. Why do I think that's my job?? I've been burned a few times and had a couple of really odd situations happen here in NJ, but y'know what.....even those things were probably necessary to get me to this knowledge and this better {emotional}place. I'm SO thankful for the real, dear friends in my life......near & far. You are like gold to me, my dears {and you know who you are}.

It's ok to be homesick
There is no place like home. I'm not sure when/if we will live in our hometown again. I love that I can close my eyes and picture it all......the houses, the parks, the stores, the people. It's ours wherever we go....wherever we live. We will wrap up those special friends & family and take them with us wherever we go. I've found that I've sort of been living in two places.....back home & here. I've not fully given myself to this new state. In some ways, I've remained temporary. Maybe it's because we will move again, or maybe it's just part of the process. It's all about going forward, learning from the past, and embracing the now.

And yeah, I'm still learning from this big change. I'll keep you posted ;)

Happy New Year, Vlog style

I do believe I've made my first music video. I think I should introduce the cast of characters in this spontaneous video.....First, you have 2, at first a bit resistant, but oh so cute lead lip syncing vocalists. Next, the dashing driver who thankfully expects and puts up with my occasional antics. Finally, you may spot my cameo appearance......I would be the hyper person handling the camera, singing off-key, and encouraging my 3 men to get funky. Actually, I think it's Ross who accuses his mama of acting a bit funky. Shouldn't we all get down and funky now and then {and suck in our lower lip while car dancing}? I think so.

I'm not sure why I'm so video happy lately?? Thanks for humoring me and feel free to not click the play button.

Really Random

I woke up the other day with a bookcase on my mind. Now, this was a pleasant change....the week before was a bit rough {illness, unpacking, drama}. Waking up with thoughts of organization made me feel like I was getting back to my old self. So, while organizing I came across some old paperwork.....10 yrs old!

                        {Ruth.....notice your name was one of our girl choices! }

 

{the winners are circled}

 We had about 1 month notice before our twins were born. Everything was hurry up and wait. The boys were actually due to be born in July, but decided to enter the world at the end of May. During that "hurry up and wait" period I tried to prepare as best as I could. Names were essential....of course! As you can see from the first list, we were not positive that our twins were both boys. I'm so glad I saved these lists....I did not remember that Beckett was at the top of my list?? It's pretty obvious that Sam was my top choice {I've always loved the name "Sam"}. It's my father's middle name....Ross is Greg's middle name {and his great grandfather's name}.

This is one of our what shall we bring lists. I notice a couple checkbooks and cash....Bibles, too.

As I mentioned, I was dreaming of bookcases. Thankfully, Ikea is not too far away {though the drive is crazy}. We quickly found our bookcase {the Billy}, had our usual Ikea food, and ventured to the car. Ikea has guard rails that prevent you from getting to the parking lot, so while we waited for Greg to bring the car an older gal asked if we would watch her cart as well. She returned in time for Greg to help her with her load. This woman was so sweet....and thankful.....and a hugger. I can't tell you the last time a stranger hugged me. She shared a bit about her life, said some very uplifting and sweet things to us, and went on her way. It was such a nice afternoon. The simple things, right?

                                   {my yummy Ikea cake and loganberry juice}

                          {a typical day in our home school...shirts are optional}

Day by Day

This week has been interesting. Not typical, that's for sure. We still have not re-filled our fridge after losing power {and losing food}. Early in the week, my endometriosis started
flaring up {or firing up, as it feels like my abdomen is on fire}....which caused us to re-think our week. I decided to cancel any activity because I feel as if I'm walking in a fog. Getting out among people, driving, and other things is not a good idea while in a fog. I've learned this through experience.

 I actually allowed myself to stay in bed until 9am today. It's odd....if I had a cold or the flu I would not think twice about staying in bed and nursing myself. With my endometriosis, I don't always feel that I'm allowed the same grace. I've not been on top of it lately. In fact, I've still not found a new gyno {I'm in a bit of denial}. I've experienced a good amount of stress the past few weeks. Stress that was unexpected, and totally unnecessary. I allowed it to seep into my life.....and I believe I internalized a lot. I do believe that stress can cause us to become sick....or worsen symptoms.

A couple days ago I woke up with heavy thoughts. I was feeling sad because I felt like I lost focus. I was having one of those "what is this all about" moments and feeling like I've driven off course a bit. It feels like someone in my life was put there to cause stress....or I've allowed myself to get stressed. It's been draining and distracting. I opened one of my favorite devotionals. One that I hadn't opened in a long time {Jesus Calling by Sarah Young}.

And this is what it said.....

"Do not be discouraged by the difficulty of keeping your focus on Me. I know that  your heart's desire is to be aware of My Presence continually. This is a lofty goal; you aim toward it but never fully achieve it in this life. Don't let feelings of failure weigh you down. Instead, try to see yourself as I see you........

When you realize that your mind has wandered away from Me, don't be alarmed or surprised. You live in a world that has been rigged to distract you. Each time you plow your way through the massive distractions to communicate with Me, you achieve a victory. Rejoice in these tiny triumphs, and they will increasingly light up your days. "

Things To Share

We went into NYC this past weekend. Pictures and stories coming soon.

 I have been loving Pinterest. I have not been on much lately, but I love how I can store recipes and various ideas. So fun! Here's the link to my boards.
                                                      

I read this interesting NY Times article on mixed race families. We get questioned and stared at everywhere we go. Some stares are kind....other stares show disapproval (crazy!!) The boys don't notice at all, though they have been getting some interesting questions lately. In fact, while with a small group of families recently I was asked some interesting questions from the kids. I honestly didn't know how to respond to some of them. One sweet, little girl asked...." so they are your kids forever? They belong to you?".

They are honest and innocent questions. It has shown me that many children don't fully understand adoption. I guess, why would they unless they had first or second hand experience? Often, I am hesitant how to respond because I'm not sure how much their parents want them to know. On the flip side, I can see the look in my boys eyes when the questioning starts.....sort of perplexed...."of course we are theirs forever....they are our parents".

Again, they are understandable questions and I love the opportunity to educate and share. I'm so proud of the fact that we are a family through adoption. Just on my mind.....

Want to know something?

I'm going to let you in on a few of my secrets. Not too scandalous, but totally real.

When the boys run upstairs to go play....I sometimes run for my stash of potato chips. I have a weakness for my chips. Add some french onion dip and I'm one happy gal. Speaking of the boys playing....lately they seem to have gotten louder. I hear Beanie Babies flying around, jumping , and tons of laughing. I get a little nervous that my neighbors may call to complain. I hate having to tell my boys to "try not to be so loud". They get into some elaborate "plays" and discussions that I overhear {so loud that I can't help overhearing!}. Love it. Sometimes they come out of their room all sweaty and panting for water. We {hugely}miss having our old basement and yard, but the boys are making the best of our situation.

Remember my little friend? Well, we love her, but I was still thinking of a Keurig. When I learned that the K is BPA free I decided to grab one. Greg and I both are very happy with this purchase. So easy. Such a time saver. The only problem is that I am now drinking way more coffee. Fall has arrived....perfect timing.

 I haven't been writing about our homeschool life....or about friends, family , etc.{ Feel free to ask me anything you want}. Yes, we still homeschool and we still have friends and family. For various reasons, I've just decided not to write details about those things. Though, I think I did a bit more in the past. Maybe in the future I will share and write about those things {like I used to, on my old blog} For now,  I'll stick to random thoughts, adventures, and food, etc.  And why am I babbling about this?? I don't know, thinking out loud. I've realized that I'm not sharing a big portion of our life. I'm sharing about a few things, but there is a bigger picture.

We didn't go into NYC last weekend. We went to Ikea instead.  I don't want to go into the city until I have a camera. I'm obsessively bargain shopping for a simple point & shoot. Greg keeps telling me to just buy one. I'm getting close...and then we'll go into the city. This Saturday?

Right before bed the other night Ross cut his toe on a basket. He came into our room and asked for a bandage. I quickly covered the cut and we went to bed. About 10 minutes later he comes to us saying that his toe stings. I took a closer look and saw that he had a giant piece of wood stuck in his toe. Hello! How did I miss that? We soaked, poked, and wiped tears as Greg worked to get the wood out. There were moments where we thought we'd be running to the ER. Thankfully, Greg got it out....and all is well. That same boy has lost 4 teeth within the last 2 months! One tooth fell apart before it was ready....which involved a trip to the dentist for an extraction. He's been a trooper through it all.

                              {the beach, post Irene....sadly, it's pretty yucky}

It's a Love / Hate Thing

Not really hate.....that's such a strong word, isn't it? I guess love/ dislike would be better? I've had some thoughts about our move from our hometown to our new reality. I have to tell you, most days it all seems very surreal. Our life here is very different than our life back home. Our routine has completely changed. And, truth be told, we've changed. 

Time for one of my pro/con lists.....

*Though I am shy at heart, when we first moved here I pushed myself to be outgoing. In the past year, I've become a bit more cautious, a bit less trusting. Working on being less of a doormat {wink to my dear friend Tiffanie}

*It has taken me a while to process the change from a house on 5 acres, to a townhouse/apt surrounded by concrete. The boys have adjusted far better than I have. I miss my space, my hardwood floors, my deck. Gosh, I'm almost hyperventilating while thinking about it. There are so many things that I DO like about our new "home". It's all just very different. Very different.


*Love the food and shopping available around every corner.....dislike how ridiculously expensive living near NYC is {the houses are at least triple the price from back home}

 

{We've had our eye on this house. It's for sale and had really tempted us to lay roots here. It's close to the road and on the smaller side , but we were intrigued. Then we saw the price tag....$1.3 million!! Umm, we'll pass......}

*Love that we have so many choices.We have so many different directions we can go. Each weekend we try to do something different. On the flip side, I miss our weekends hanging out in our backyard. I wrestle with that.

*Love meeting so many different types of people.....wish we had a home to entertain
and decorate and make our own and.....

*We thought the doctors would be better.....that's been disappointing {miss our old dr's!}

*Love the homeschool laws.....miss the familiarity of homeschooling back home....but like finding our new groove here.

*Love running into Jet's players while out walking in our complex.....I mean, that didn't happen back home. I think it's funny that this old gal gets starry eyed over big football players {Greg thinks it's funny, too}.

*Still professing my love for Trader Joe's and Whole Foods.

*The boys have accepted NJ as their new home. They said that they now have 2 homes. We are so glad that they have embraced this new life. They asked if we could go into NYC this weekend.....I love that they have that option.  I often wrestle with my desire to be back home vs here.

*Love that the boys are taking drum lessons from a real rocker. He's wonderful with the boys. Let me remind you that we live in an apartment. We'll be switching to his house soon....I'm sure my neighbors will be happy about that. The drum teacher had the boys jamming to Earth, Wind, & Fire. So neat.

*Greg loves his job. We are thankful just for the fact that he has a job. Having one that he enjoys is frosting on our cake.

Moving has brought many great experiences. We've grown individually and as a family...of course, we are still growing {and learning}{and simplifying!}. It's a wonderful journey....and I am so very thankful.

BTW-I'm reading a new book. It is so good!  Grace for the Good Girl by Emily Freeman. She's a fellow people pleaser. I was hesitant to read it because....I'm not really what I would call a good girl. I'm surprised how much I am relating to what the author writes.  I just finished reading Against the Tide by Nancy Missler {surprisingly gleaned much from this book}

Also, BTW-The flooding has dried up, but our complex playground is a disaster. Such a mess.

Summer Lovin'

It feels like summer has been in swing for a while, but really it's only just begun. The young girls in our complex invited us down to watch their fairy tale play.  

The play was elaborate....during intermission they passed out lemonade.

We've made daily use of our complex playground. We may not have our own back yard anymore, but we have had a lot of fun on the courts and fields.

Most evenings, we try to get in some rugby drills. This has been the one sport that I have embraced. Greg and I run back and forth passing the ball....it's a fun way to exercise. I usually don't exercise unless it's disguised in fun.

Greg's been teaching the boys about scrums {pictured above}. I don't understand all the lingo yet, but it's entertaining.

Thankful for large pieces of land to run and play.....and for energy to do it all.

I've been doing some purging {it's never ending, people!}.....and I've been just plain 'ol trying to keep focused on the positive. After my last post about the lesson I recently learned.....well, I've been thinking deeper about a few things. I'm trying to be "still" more. To disregard the negative stuff and to accentuate the positive.

We all need to do it from time to time. Sort of, cleaning the soul closet.

It's so easy to get caught up in the wrong direction. Those wrong turns can be good for us.....they ultimately put us in the right direction.

My mom recently told me that I'm just like my nana {her mom }....she said that I've always had a strong reaction to injustice....just like nana. My problem is that I don't always know how to communicate or respond to the injustice. Something I'm going to ponder...while cleaning my closet.

A Number of Things

Oh, how the years fly by. Feels like yesterday that we were living in Michigan  with our baby boys, but it was actually 9 years ago.

Naturally, the boys changed and grew. With each year, they look more and more alike. They recently celebrated their 9th birthday.

6 of our friends from home swung by to visit.

           Oh, and we celebrated 21 years of marriage. Wow, that feels crazy. Seems like just yesterday that we celebrated this anniversary.
See what I'm saying....time is flying.

Indulge Me

As I was uploading the photos for the last post I came across some photos from our house. I had forgotten about some details.....certain pictures, pieces of furniture, flowers....random things.

The boys would always ask to get dropped off at the top of the driveway.....they loved racing my car home.

We miss Grandma and Grandpa's pool so much. I had many fun conversations with my mom and sister pool side.  

We miss the big toad in their fun little pond.

We loved having a big deck and yard. The yard. Greg does not miss mowing it {took him 3 hrs}, but I miss all the water sports we used to play. 

I sense a theme....one of the things we miss the most is our private outdoor space.

 The playroom.

There were many games of tag played in this room {great during the winter}.....I remember not having a clue about what to do with all the space. Funny how things change {or stay the same?}. Now, I have no clue what to do with lack of space. I also remember how long it took us to pick out the wood for the floors....the paint colors. For those who had been in this room.....do you remember the view? Ahhh, I loved it especially during the winter. Though, now our view is much more entertaining.....wish I could put into words the things I viewed today!

This basement was so great for dodge ball games 

This room was changed often. I dragged those cheap bookcases from room to room. I remember when they collapsed in the middle of the night .

I remember what a trooper Greg was....building my rain gutter bookshelves.

One of the first things we will install in our home {hoping}. 

 From what I hear, the new owners have not done a thing to our old house.

Thanks for indulging me. Greg is out of town.....it's super hot outside....so it was fun to take a little trip down memory lane.These photos actually get me excited for our next home. Who knows when it will happen, but it's so fun to imagine. In the meantime, we make the best of today, but also want to be thankful for yesterday. Good times.

Some Thoughts

I've noticed a consistent thought between my friends {especially my blogging friends}. We all worry that our words, actions, and writing will be taken in the wrong way. I've often edited my blog posts because I was worried that it would sound like bragging.....or sound too sad.....too grumpy....too whatever.

All the new tools for keeping in touch have actually {for me} made things a bit more complicated. You never really know the intended tone....I don't know about you, but I have misundertood text message tone {and also had mine misunderstood}. Have you ever sent an email and not gotten a reply? Have you ever then imagined that the person was upset with you, but couldn't figure out why? See, social networking can be complicated.....and {though extreme} actually could hurt relationships. I've seen it all.

Don't even get me started on Facebook. I think it can be wonderful {connecting long lost family, etc}, but can be

the opposite of wonderful, too. BTW-if we were FB friends, I didn't defriend you....I deactivated my account. That's another thing....when I deactivated, I worried that people would think I defriended {is that a real word?}them and then be upset with me. It's a crazy social misunderstood cycle.

Please understand that....

When I share that I am homesick .....I am still good, and laughing. And making the best of where we are at.

When I share a fun adventure.......it may be fun, but it probably had it's glitches as well. Like when we went to the beach last weekend....I didn't bring a change of clothes for the boys, so my Mother in Law and I spent an hour searching small stores for clothes and a towel. {we did find Chik-Fil-A sandwiches}.

When I may complain about our living situation......I have hope & excitement for the future, and what may be. I also am thankful that we have a place to call {temporary}home....a warm bed and full fridge.

And strange as it is, when I say that I miss having roots{a true home}.....we don't really even know what that {home} means to us. We have friends who are traveling and living in an RV....they take their roots with them. It's still home{just on wheels}.

Thanks for staying in touch, for forgiving me when I'm in a fog, for riding the hormone roller coaster {that many of us are on}, and encouraging me when I need it {and we all need it sometime}.

Sunday Unwrapped

We knew that we would not be going to church today. The boys have these lingering coughs and some congestion. When my boys are sick I try to quarantine them. We try and stay home until the germies pass.
Greg and I actually slept in until almost 9 am today. It felt so good.

We pulled ourselves  bounced out of bed, made breakfast and coffee and started some housework. I handed Greg the new dishwasher liguid and he went to town filling the dishwasher. Only thing was....it wasn't diswasher liguid. Silly me...it was dishwashing liguid. Big difference. At one point the whole floor was coveed in bubbles.....very I Love Lucy.

We literally felt like we had worked out hard after cleaning up all the water and foam....over and over again. I decided to throw on some sweats and head out for errands. My first stop was TJ Maxx. I love to browse around that store. I've actually been really good lately.....only looking, not purchasing. I've been purging my closets. I really think hard before I make any new purchases. While browsing the bra section I noticed 2 very distinguished looking men. Somehow {only in Mimi land} we started chatting as we pondered a backless & strapless bra hanging in front of us.

Y'know how you can just tell about someone? Well these 2 men just seemed so nice from the start. I know, it's not very common to be chatting with 2 strangers.....men....in the bra department of TJ Maxx. Like me, they wore their hearts on their sleeve....I quickly learned much about them. By day they were typical business men. One of the men was first generation from India. They were friends, one had a husband. By night, they were an Indian Princess and Ms Fox .....cross dressers who entertained with a well known NYC troup. I guess you could say they were the first celebrities that I met while living here. All their night work was performed for charity. A charity that supports the huge homeless population in NYC/NJ. They shared stories about homeless children and how Americans don't realize how bad the situation really is. They see it first hand all the time.....they shared how there are children sleeping on the streets{in NYC}. They spend their spare time trying to make a difference....all the proceeds from their events go to the homeless.

Not only that, but one of my new friends shared how one night there was a knock on his door {in Brooklyn}. A man in his 80's was outside....."I'm so cold. Could I please sleep on your couch tonight? I will leave tomorrow".   What would you have done? What would I have done??  The man sharing this story {my new shopping buddy} let the elderly man in.....3 years later he is still living with him {a sort of adopted uncle}. Hearts of gold these men seem to have.

I have to tell you.....I became a Christian shortly after I turned 30. The first few years of my walk brought some things that I am now healing from. Some wrong teaching, some legalism, some personal stuff. I'm currently trying to understand my personal relationship with the Lord. So many times I let man pleasing {Christian pleasing} get in the way of my walk. I know that some people may be thinking that I should not have been talking to these men....in the bra section for goodness sake. But I am glad that I did meet them and that I got to know them, if only a little bit. For one thing, it may be a door for our family to help and volunteer with the homeless community. That is something we have been wanting to do. I'll tell you.....in those men I saw love, joy, patience, kindness.... They were doing and not just talking.

I'm not sure what I'm trying to say......I just know that I want to get to a place where what man thinks about me doesn't matter. Where only what God thinks of me matters. Where I look to Him and say "Ok?" instead of asking my peers for their approval. I have a feeling it may be a bumpy road.

Because Today was a Long Day

Our day started out good.....then got bad......and ended good. When it was bad, it was really bad. I've  reached the stage where my kids will verbalize their angst toward me. I spoke with my mom....she said that we used to do that. My mom always makes me feel better.

My boy {who verbalized his angst toward me} told me that he wished he could turn back time. He wished that he could take back what he said. Me too. We went to the playground later and played basketball with some of the complex kids. Because I am a crazy b-baller...I got hit in the face with the ball{hard}. My boy, that same boy was the first to offer to sit on the bench with me. Melted my heart.

Earlier...things seemed so yucky and frustrating.
Now, as we wait for our pizza {roasted peppers and onions} in our warm and cozy {red ugg free} new rental....things seem nice and calm.

{time flies.....feels like yesterday that they were this little}

Parenting is hard. Pizza is good. Changed attitudes & forgiveness are awesome.

{seriously....double fisted and full of love}

Between the Lines

I should be taking a shower and getting ready for the day. We are heading to the beach. Yep, it's freezing and we are going to the beach....hoping to see some seals. At least find a fun restaurant along the way.

I'm writing this for no particular reason at all.....well yes, there is....I'm writing this for me.  I may write about the little things going on....grocery shopping trips, our day, basic stuff. Through it all....there is so much more going on. I often think...after writing.....but, that wasn't the full picture. There is always so many more details...I'm sure this is true for all of us.

This week.......

There have been emotional lessons learned.

There has been worry over heart issues...of the physical kind. With every breath.

There has been encouragement from long distance friends....and encouragement given back.

There have been birthdays gone bad.....words that can't be taken back.....but apologies accepted.

There have been attitudes needing adjustment.......feelings hurt......forgiveness.

There have been smiles masking pain......and then replacing pain. Smiles.

There has been real, deep, growing, and feeling life.

And right now as I write this......I swear it's a message from the good Lord.....my neighbor has his music playing so loud......and I'm dancing in my chair. I'm going to miss that loud and restless guy. The song he's playing? The Doobie Brothers....Listen to the Music....{I kid you not}

"List'nin' for the happy sounds ....And I got to let them fly....woah oh oh listen to the music"

Life Online

I've been simplifying different areas of my life. Purging closets is an obvious place to start....and a very gratifying place as well. After reading some articles on simplifying(thank you Carole!)....I've also been trying to simplify my online time. I started with going online less. As I look back over the past year...and when my blog was public....I was online a lot. I felt this burden to keep my blog posts current. I enjoyed it as well, but clearly it was too much time being spent in cyber space. Since going private I have gradually decreased my online time. It just happened...it wasn't planned. I started writing less....and I started reading blogs less. I still try to visit my friend's blogs, but often it's through google reader. I regret that I don't often have time to jump on and comment....or I mean to come back to and get distracted. In the 'ol days....I would blog hop....it's amazing how easy it is to jump from one blog to the next. After a while, I would forget where I started. I'd have this glazed over and worn out look.....blog eyes! I also used to do a lot of homeschool surfing....looking at curriculum or reading message boards on teaching. Now, I still try to do a bit of each...have to be honest. Though, I've cut way back.

This is the thing......

 Back to the article I read....it shared that a great way to start your day is WITHOUT reading your email first. The author suggests that you wait until much later in the day. I'm telling you......I've started doing that....and I really like it. I don't want to allow the computer to get a great percent of my day. I don't want to put it first....or even second...or third.

The problem is.....most everyone connects through the computer these days. People don't write letters as much....or even make phone calls as much. On one hand.....who has time for lots of phone calls? But.....I truly appreciate the intimacy of a phone call.....or even an email vs. a note on Facebook.

If I stop going online as much.....will my relationships suffer. I sort of think they will and it makes me sad. I also like phone calls more than email, Facebook and other online sources because there is a clearer understanding of tone...and mood. Ya know what I mean? I believe there have been many misunderstandings through online connections. At least, I know I have experienced some myself.

In the past week I've had 2 friends go private with their blogs....and 2 friends deactivate their Facebook account. I thought it was great....I'm thinking of deactivating my FB status as well. The thing with FB.....I rarely go on. When I do....I don't go on other people's pages....I would feel like I was snooping. But because I don't go on other people's pages......they probably think I'm ignoring them. Ugh. Do you see how messed up online media really is?? I know that so many people love FB and various online sources......I truly know how valuable they can be as well (remember we found Ross/Sam online!!!). I just don't want relationship status to be determined by blogging or FB. Give me a good old fashioned letter(or even a personal email) or phone call anyday.

*BTW-I've never heard of anyone regretting spending less time online. If anything, I always hear how much happier they are...or how much they accomplished....or how much fun they had with their kid...or cooked more...organized more....read more books....exercised more.....compared less!

Our Own Drum Beat

I've figured a couple of things out since our move.....we march to the beat of our own drum.

Before I get too deep into this thought....let me just say....I'm writing this for myself. I want to get these thoughts out and be able to come back to them when I need a little reminder.

Let me step back.....

A couple of weeks ago, we met another family who had just moved to NJ. We have several things in common....kids the same ages, adoption, moved from house to apartment, homeschoolers, several other things. We have been thrilled to hang out with them and to find new friends. Ross and Sam have been having a blast with them. They had been missing home and making new friends was a great distraction.

We started fast and furious....we would get an early morning call and we would start the day at the playground with them....which would turn into going back to one of our apartments....which would end up being an all day playdate. Everyone was happy....including the moms. After a week, I started realizing that we were hanging out almost every day....all day. My house was starting to suffer.....dinners were suffering..my energy level was suffering. Our new friends are very nice....very fun....and very active. What I finally realized is that we like fun , but we have to keep it in balance. We love getting out...playing....going to the playground...but we also need to re-charge by chilling at home. Plus...and this is a giant plus....even though we are relaxed in our home school routine...we still have a routine. I still have subjects and text that I want to work through. Our schooling was definitely taking a back seat to playdates.  I also started noticing that in the past week the boys have been bickering more often....they are clearly worn out.

So, my big epiphany is that we cannot do too much in one day. Meeting at the park for 1-2 hours is great, but marathon playdates are not. A couple of days a week is nice, every day is a bit too much. Maybe the beat of our drum is at a slower pace.....other people's drums may beat a bit faster. There is nothing wrong with either beat....they are just different. My second big epiphany is that I need to stop conforming to other people's drums....I need to do what works best for us. Often times, the fact that we do less means we will spend many days hanging out as a trio...or foursome if G is home. That is my third epiphany......family time is precious!! I moved here with the thought that we would do a few things differently....one being that we would spend more time as a family. That was happening at first, but things were slowly changing.

 This little post is about me getting a grip on our routine and realizing what is best for us....and getting our beat back to our rhythm. I feel like people are doing so many activities these days, people are on the go .....it just plain tuckers me out. My favorite days are days where there is nothing on the calendar...open and free.

Today, there is something on the calendar.....Ross has an appointment with a NJ endocrinologist.

Shorty McShorty , some Puffy Eyes and More

The boys have started a once a week homechool soccer class. The coaches are wonderful, the park is beautiful and the boys love it. They seem to care less about making new friends and are all about the game. They get right out there and start doing the drills. It's extra nice that it meets during the week....during the day. We have to drive about 30 minutes to get there, but it seems worth it.

I've met a few other homeschool moms while there, but no real connections. One mom....a fellow adoptive mom who is in her 60's has been very outgoing and kind to me. The first time we went, I left feeling encouraged and hopeful. I met a couple of moms....one was very chatty...which made it really nice and easy. This second time we went...I left not feeling as encouraged. The chatty mom was not there....my older friend was, but the other moms kept to their cliques.  It made me miss my girlfriends. Later that day...I had an epiphany......I'm not there for me, I'm there for the boys. Not going to go into my full thought right now, but it's all good.  The bad part.....Ross has horrible allergies and the park was making him feel awful. The poor guy, his eyes swelled so fast and furious....red and itchy. He was having so much fun, he did not want to leave. It was a tough call....the class only lasted an hour. We stayed.

Not sure if I made the right call.....being a mom is full of moment by moment decisions. His eyes were so puffy. I gave him his allergy med...plus....I ran out to Whole Foods to see what they suggested. I purchased something called Camu?? I think. It's supposed to be super high in C and like a superfruit. They also suggested that we put Chamomile tea bags on his eyes....we did.

I think they helped. He went to bed shortly after. Oh my, what a long night it was. When his allergies are flaring up and I know he will have a long hard night....especially with breathing.....I have him sleep with me (G goes in with Sam). We were up all night long......he was sneezing, coughing, nebulizing, and more. By morning....he was much better.....and I was the one needing the tea bags.

                                           (Shorty McShorty AKA Frump... in need of makeup and sleep)

Puffy eyes. Oh yeah....I had another hair cut. I edited this to say......it wasn't the cut I was hoping for. It'll grow. Actually, it's really easy so that's a plus. I think I'll like it more in a month or two. G likes it . I called him as I was leaving the salon (he was in the town with the boys) and said "I'm feeling really fragile, don't look shocked when you see me." Thankfully, he said all the right things. I'm going to let it grow for a couple of months and then find someone else to traumatize me give me a new style. New city....new hair.

Oh....while I've got you.....I'm thinking of starting another blog and make it public. I feel bad that everyone has to check in instead of my posts showing up on google reader. I know it's a pain. In fact, my mom and G don't even read anymore because they would have to sign in and all. It's too complicated when they are at work. Anyway. What do you think? Would it make it easier? I would start a new blog and keep things anonymous (so I wouldn't worry about that other person finding it)  On that same note....I'm finding that I'm blogging less and less. How about you?