Our Outdoor Wonderland

The weather in our new state has been gorgeous lately. Surprised? Yes, it's winter here.....but it feels so fresh and crisp. The lack of snow has made it easier to get out an have mini adventures. We had not been out to our complex playground in a bit....we wandered over and found a few of our playground buddies.  They were trying to break this big ice waterfall.

 The boys and I had been headed to play soccer, but as soon as the playground buddies invited us to go boot skating....we ditched the ball and headed for the woods.

 All summer.....this is a big swampy, mosquito filled mess. I avoid it. The boys avoid it....but not the playground buddies. They do all kinds of adventurous things in there during the summer....but the mosquitos, ewww. And....do their parents have a clue where they are? It worried me a bit.

 But....once winter arrived....the swamp became a beautiful, ice filled wonderland. I loved it.....we all loved it! Notice the boys have bright sweats on in the above picture and then change to black pants in the other pictures? Within our first few minutes of boot skating we slipped in some water.....we ran home to change into more appropriate adventure attire.

With a couple of sticks, a broken shovel, an old golf club, and a tennis ball.....the boys decided to play a little hockey.

 The complex woods are filled with tons of deer....I heard there is even a family of bears?? Not sure.

 I had to add this cardinal.....there are 3 of them that hang outside our apartment window. A Blue Jay usually joins them, too. Ahhh, winter.

The next day.....Greg headed back into the woods with the boys. Call us nerds, but we had them wear their bike helmets. The ice was so slippery. They also decided to bring their hockey sticks and a puck.

It's our new favorite place.

Today

For a few reasons, today I am ...

....giving my boys extra hugs and kisses. Lots of them
.....not going to stress about silly things
.... not going to doubt myself as a mother
.....or worry that I'm failing my boys
..... not going to feel homesick
..... not going to think about regrets, or wonder why a relationship has ended

..... going to remember that much is miscommunicated through blogs, emails, and text....and much is misunderstood
..... going to remember the good
....going to ease through the day. Not worrying that we should be doing this or that
.... going to believe that we are here because it's where we are supposed to be
....going to clean a bit and organize a lot
.... going to give the boys an early Christmas present
..... going to be thankful that my husband has a good job and one that he loves
..... going to remember that I'm not the only one that feels this way (and this has a variety of meanings)

And hopefully tomorrow I will do the same.

Seasons

 There are different seasons in our life.......the typical....spring, summer, fall, winter.....and then the other kind. The literal....seasons of life. They can last a few months.....maybe longer, maybe shorter. We've been in our new state for about 9 months now. In about our 3rd month here.....we met another family in a crazy similar situation as ours. They had just sold their house, were living in a much smaller apartment, homeschoolers (same philosophy of schooling) kids the same age, adoption in common, our husbands got along well....I could go on and on. Bottom line...we just clicked. They traveled a bit.....we hung out with them as much as their time allowed. The mom and I could chat for hours.....the kids all had fun together. It was easy and comfortable.....and filled a hole that was deep and open. We were missing friends back home....we were in a new season of our life.....and so were they. I truly believe we were meant to cross paths and help each other along the way. 

The hard part......their time here is up and they are now off to sunny beaches......eventually to life on a boat. How cool is that? We said our goodbyes till we meet agains last week. We have plans to meet up again....I'm certain that they will be life long friends. Our season with these new friends.....living close by....has changed. And we will miss them....and our many adventures together.

Christmas season is in full swing.....we added some ribbon and a 99 cent star from IKEA to our little tree. I cannot find our stockings or ornaments anywhere. Our storage unit back home gives me a stomach ache.....it's filled with so many of our things. We need to empty it....use the stuff or lose the stuff.

 The winter season is coming soon.....this season is so different in our new state. I woke to the boys yelling "snow!! can we go out and stand in it?" Stand in it? Why not play in it? Well, because.....notice how much snow we have? It's there....I promise....see the white stuff around the cul-de-sac curb? Just enough to stand in.....I'm sure it will be melted by the afternoon. That's ok.....we are going to try and make the best of this new season.

Hormonally Challenged

(Greg and boys, camped out watching Charlie Brown Christmas)

I figured out why I have felt exceptionally slumpy the past few days. Not only did I feel slumpy, but by the time Greg got home from work last night.....I was all weepy and had no clue why. Everything felt overwhelming. I was a literal pile of mush and felt like I was sinking further and further down.

It was strongly suggested that I get myself to bed......I didn't resist since I was overwhelmingly exhausted anyway. In the middle of the night I woke up in terrible pain. My right side was on fire. The pain was so bad that it incorporated itself into my dream(ever have that happen?). I woke Greg and asked where my appendix was.

A few years back....before they discovered my Endometriosis.....I had a similar pain. Different, but similar. Back then, after a series of tests.....it was determined that my appendix was inflamed. One test revealed the black mess that is my abdomen. The person who read my films said that he couldn't even see my organs....everything was black. I will never forget the call from the dr and what he thought I had(can't even write about it, it was so upsetting). After laparoscopic surgery(that did not remove my appendix) they discovered my endo(I was so relieved that it was just endo!!) and  found that(at the time) it was suffocating my appendix(and smothering other organs-lovely).

My endo has covered my organs so much that removing it is risky-too big of a chance that an organ may be cut in the process.  Since then, I randomly get terrible side pain.....I'm always worried that my appendix may rupture. So, last night......while in and out of sleep......I was trying to decide what to do....do I go to the hospital? Why is the pain so high (on my rib cage)? My house was a mess...so I was thinking.....who would take care of the boys and see my messy house? I didn't have a fever....that was a good sign.

I finally fell back to sleep......

When I woke up....bright and early.......the pain was gone. Hallelujah!! Not only was the pain gone, but my slump was lifted. Seriously. I felt like a different person....my energy was back......I felt more balanced emotionally. Coffee even tasted good again.

So, guess what I have determined? I was ovulating! Yep.....way too much information. But let me tell you......learn from me. Hormones can wreak havoc on your body and mind. For some reason.....ovulation is my worst week. It's almost as if.....as soon as it's over......the clouds part and the sun shines again.

Hormones are challenging. Hormone fluctuations are very real......especially once you hit 40. Now that I'm noticing a pattern.....I will take steps to exercise, take my B-vitamins, and basically brace myself for that one bad week. I should actually just go into seclusion during that week.....because it's bad.

But.....today is good.

Slumps Happen

 Since we returned from our T-Day trip home.....we have all been either sick....or recovering from being sick. Everyone got better, but me. That's when I realized that being sick and feeling not quite myself sort of morphed together.

We have totally fallen off our routine....notice I didn't say schedule. I'm more of a daily routine person. So, combine being sick....with feeling funky..and lack of routine....and you get....slump.

From Wikipedia: Slump may refer to:

• Slump, to slump; To assume a drooping posture; To fall or sink heavily; collapse.

There have been lots of messes being made.....and I've left the mess for hours....lots of hours. My theory is that creative fun was being made within those messes. Why mess with a creative mess. You know what I mean?

 I've been doing lots of laying around in my pajamas.....lots of it. Lots of time spent in cozy clothes....sipping hot tea and eating chocolate. Lots of chocolate. Way too much thinking going on, too.
 

The thing is...I realized that I don't want to fall or sink heavily.  I want to move forward.....I want to look up. I want to find my voice again.....I've truly lost it. Not just in blog land, but in daily life as well.

I've been resisting going into NYC for months. Poor Greg loves the city. He gets in for work often, but not for pleasure. This weekend we will venture in for pleasure. We are excited to see the city decorated....eat a big slice of pizza....walk around the park.

Last weekend, we went to the zoo at night.....for a holiday light festival. It was quick, but nice. I forgot my camera so the boys pretended to take pictures of everything we saw. People probably thought we were nuts walking around and clicking our fake cameras. We also drove around towns trying to figure out where we want to live.....we have 2 months until our lease is up. We may just stay in this complex.....in a different unit. Or, we may rent a house somewhere. I thought this one was cute.

There is not one bit of snow on the ground. Back home.....they have a lot. I love me a good snow storm. Especially the snowstorms when we lived in our house.....it was like living in a snow globe.

I made up a bunch of different Christmas cards....only to decide not to make any. That's a first for us. Instead, I ordered a bunch of pictures of the boys and will put in cards. Seasons change...and so do we.

Just Sayin'

(pathetic little tree....but I love it)

It's been a lazy, coughing and stuffy nose....couple of days. It's actually been really nice. Because I had a headache and just...felt like yuck....I declared these sick days. We've had so many educational opportunities....just happen. As a homeschool mom, I have this habit of always looking at each situation and it's potential for learning. It's amazing....and exciting....when you realize that there are SO many of these opportunities. Actually, they aren't opportunities....they are just life moments...and we all have them.  Being aware makes you think in terms of.....hmmm, how can I guide this in an interesting direction.....or....wow, they learn so much when it's something they are interested in....and just go with it.

So...that's not the point of this post.....why I'm writing today is because I've been thinking about many things over the past month....and those thoughts are all coming together. Sort of.

(the boys are stuffy and tired....but warm and cozy)

A few days ago, I wrote about my favorite boots. Yes, I love boots....and coats. Growing up in NY...you needed a warm coat and boots. I remember....as a child....first putting my feet in a bread bag and then inserting foot and bag in my snow boots. These days....there is no need for a bread bag.....boots are made warmer and keep feet drier. Though, I love that my childhood meant stuffing my foot into a Wonder bag....just a fun memory. I was the youngest of 5 kids.....and a child of a frugal mom. We were comfortable growing up.....never wanting for anything, but my mother believed in pinching pennies. She believed in quality and not quantity. My boot story told of quantity....not necessarily quality....though they seem well made. Just sayin'.

After writing my boot post, I thought.....does 1 gal need 4 pairs of boots? Probably not. I felt a little embarrassed. I wanted to share my great bargains....in hopes that others might find a bargain too( I probably only spent $80 total for all 4 pairs). But...all I can think about is people without boots.

Over the past few months, I have been coming to terms with the fact that our living situation has changed. Yes, I'm allowed to feel sad about our change.....it was a huge change, a sudden change. But, y'know what.....it's not a big deal. There are far more bigger deals out there. Huge deals.

Each time I start to get annoyed at my small kitchen.....or tiny appliances....I start to think...."get over it, girl!". Each time I complain that my toilet has overflowed....or my sink is clogged(daily)...I tell myself...."no biggie".

Seriously, there are so many hard situations out there.....people struggling with really hard things.

 Having a roof over our head, being able to stay home with my boys, having food in my fridge, having good health......these are things we shouldn't take for granted.

Each time I start to notice myself going in that wrong direction with my thoughts.....well, all it takes is one thought about someone I know who is struggling with something harder...and my perspective falls into place. Yes, I'm allowed to feel sad....or angry about certain things....and certain changes....but perspective is everything.

(my reality.....and keepers of my heart)

So, forgive me if I've whined a bit too much.  Forgive me if I've lost my focus here and there. Moments when I have to be still...like being sick with a cold, on the couch.....helps me to think clearly. And helps me to remember what is important....and real.