Some Thoughts

I've noticed a consistent thought between my friends {especially my blogging friends}. We all worry that our words, actions, and writing will be taken in the wrong way. I've often edited my blog posts because I was worried that it would sound like bragging.....or sound too sad.....too grumpy....too whatever.

All the new tools for keeping in touch have actually {for me} made things a bit more complicated. You never really know the intended tone....I don't know about you, but I have misundertood text message tone {and also had mine misunderstood}. Have you ever sent an email and not gotten a reply? Have you ever then imagined that the person was upset with you, but couldn't figure out why? See, social networking can be complicated.....and {though extreme} actually could hurt relationships. I've seen it all.

Don't even get me started on Facebook. I think it can be wonderful {connecting long lost family, etc}, but can be

the opposite of wonderful, too. BTW-if we were FB friends, I didn't defriend you....I deactivated my account. That's another thing....when I deactivated, I worried that people would think I defriended {is that a real word?}them and then be upset with me. It's a crazy social misunderstood cycle.

Please understand that....

When I share that I am homesick .....I am still good, and laughing. And making the best of where we are at.

When I share a fun adventure.......it may be fun, but it probably had it's glitches as well. Like when we went to the beach last weekend....I didn't bring a change of clothes for the boys, so my Mother in Law and I spent an hour searching small stores for clothes and a towel. {we did find Chik-Fil-A sandwiches}.

When I may complain about our living situation......I have hope & excitement for the future, and what may be. I also am thankful that we have a place to call {temporary}home....a warm bed and full fridge.

And strange as it is, when I say that I miss having roots{a true home}.....we don't really even know what that {home} means to us. We have friends who are traveling and living in an RV....they take their roots with them. It's still home{just on wheels}.

Thanks for staying in touch, for forgiving me when I'm in a fog, for riding the hormone roller coaster {that many of us are on}, and encouraging me when I need it {and we all need it sometime}.

{Another} Fine Day

I have a back log of photos to upload. I'll start with a few from this past weekend. Grandma & Papa came for a visit. We are always looking for new places to take them. Because it had been rainy every day for a hundred and five days {I may be exaggerating a bit} we decided to head to the beach. Surprisingly, we found sun along with the sand. Woo hoo!

We were excited to find a {free} concert going on near the beach. Godrocks! was performing. We have one of their DVD's....it was so fun to see them live in action. After this concert, we considered going back for more of this celebration, but didn't.

 Ross and Sam used to dance and groove like crazy while out in public. Lately, they have gotten a little reserved......and unusually embarrassed by their grooving mom.

 I did notice some toe tapping and a little air guitar....maybe by the boys, maybe by dad?

 We walked through a cute town.....that I have now decided should be our next "move" destination. The whole atmosphere of the town was peaceful and calm. We all loved it. It was the cleanest and calmest beach we've seen so far {in NJ}.

 The weather was perfect! We enjoyed watching one lone surfer. The boys enjoyed getting totally wet.

 They can't resist sand and surf.

We then drove down to another beach. This one was a bit more active. Some mini golf, sno cones, and lots of people watching.

 I loved this scene....a couple musicians, bikers, and a newly married couple strolling by.

 Greg was trying to convince me to join this adventurous group of ladies. I think I'll pass.

Did You Know?

I'm having another sleep-deprived week. It started with insomnia and is ending with that crazy lack of sleep feeling. Y'know when you feel like laughing one minute...crying the next....and want to pass out the next. Maybe that's actually pre-menopause??

So, because I am slap~happy and we are home bound with a fever filled boy....I will share with you a few things that you may or may not know about me.

*I will eat really weird food concoctions. All of the vegetarian variety {though I am not a vegetarian}. I love roasted peppers,onions, and mustard on bread.....or.....today I had....red pepper hummus, swiss cheese on rye. I love cheese puffs with cottage cheese. Basically, I will eat all and any veggie concoction you give me....add dressing and I am in food heaven.

*I've determined that for one week out of the month I am in a complete fog. Usually, you might not hear from me during that time. I may not return emails or phone calls. It's not you.....it's the zombie like floating state that I'm in. I cannot put a thought together , and even if I did it would not make sense. Sadly, this is not that week......so this month I will have 2 weeks like that. Oh, joy.

*My heart will literally ache for people. I'm sensitive{this we know}but I truly believe that this is the way the good Lord made me....and for a reason. I'm a fan of the underdog....and get very fired up if I see them treated wrong. I love quirky, sweet people who don't really fit in....or at least, they don't blend in. Who wants to blend in anyway?  {something happened this week that really.truly got me so upset in regards to this particular subject}. Oh, that's another thing.....

*I sometimes have a hard time letting go....of things, words that have hurt me, thoughts, the past. Yep, I'm working on that. I surprisingly will forgive easily, but the past will creep back into my thoughts...so, I guess I don't forget easily.

gosh, this is sort of therapeutic.

*Ummm, though I have a blog and sit here writing about myself.....I don't like attention drawn to myself.  I often publish a blog post and worry that it will be taken in the wrong way. I never want anyone to feel bad. Maybe that's why I share so many of my insecurities or hard days?

Your turn, want to share something about yourself?

Missing the Past

It's been an unintentional while since I have written....or shared. It's been a good month. Y'know how I decide if it's a good month? It's not by what we have done.....it's more about how we feel and how we are growing {physically & emotionally}. I almost didn't write the word feel. In the past, if I said I feel good....or feel sad.....or feel angry....I was told...."don't go by your feelings". Some of my dear family and friends {are you still out there?} know just what I am talking about.

 funny.....My girlfriend from home just called and asked what I was doing. I replied that I was writing a blog post and just wrote about feelings. She said..."oh, you mean how we are not supposed to have  any?"  I had to laugh.

This whole move has been a process.....of growth, realizations, change, and acceptance. We really enjoy NJ. We are never without something to do, or without an adventure to take. We have slowly felt more comfortable at our new church {Greg has plugged in a bit, I have chosen to take it slow}. We have accepted the ridiculous housing prices....it is what it is. We are looking forward to summer at the beach{and in NYC}.....and deciding which pool to join. NJ is beautiful and full of history.....it also has yucky tap water, crazy~ angry~ honking drivers, and fabulous homeschool laws. It's an interesting mix.

So, really.truly. we feel blessed. Greg has a great job, our fridge is full, and our beds are warm. Today, our water doesn't work, but that's neither here nor there.

Where am I going with all this? As much as I like it here, I still feel the hometown blues. Sam summed it up well....

"I'm not homesick. I just miss the past."

I miss having roots, familiarity, the security of family & friends, and the connections we had back home. It's sort of an odd feeling to not feel connected to where you live. It's exciting and nauseating all at once.

For now, this is our new normal.....but man, it doesn't seem normal at all. I feel like I am on vacation all the time....like I don't want to fully unpack. I've only hung a couple pictures on the wall. Our garage is full of boxes....ready for the next possible move.

 Sometimes I get little butterflies in my stomach. Excited for possibilities, thankful for opportunities, and overwhelmed with responsibilities.

And then I think of home again.....*sigh*.