May 16, 2011

Missing the Past

It's been an unintentional while since I have written....or shared. It's been a good month. Y'know how I decide if it's a good month? It's not by what we have done.....it's more about how we feel and how we are growing {physically & emotionally}. I almost didn't write the word feel. In the past, if I said I feel good....or feel sad.....or feel angry....I was told...."don't go by your feelings". Some of my dear family and friends {are you still out there?} know just what I am talking about.

 funny.....My girlfriend from home just called and asked what I was doing. I replied that I was writing a blog post and just wrote about feelings. She said..."oh, you mean how we are not supposed to have  any?"  I had to laugh.

This whole move has been a process.....of growth, realizations, change, and acceptance. We really enjoy NJ. We are never without something to do, or without an adventure to take. We have slowly felt more comfortable at our new church {Greg has plugged in a bit, I have chosen to take it slow}. We have accepted the ridiculous housing prices....it is what it is. We are looking forward to summer at the beach{and in NYC}.....and deciding which pool to join. NJ is beautiful and full of history.....it also has yucky tap water, crazy~ angry~ honking drivers, and fabulous homeschool laws. It's an interesting mix.

So, really.truly. we feel blessed. Greg has a great job, our fridge is full, and our beds are warm. Today, our water doesn't work, but that's neither here nor there.

Where am I going with all this? As much as I like it here, I still feel the hometown blues. Sam summed it up well....

"I'm not homesick. I just miss the past."

I miss having roots, familiarity, the security of family & friends, and the connections we had back home. It's sort of an odd feeling to not feel connected to where you live. It's exciting and nauseating all at once.

For now, this is our new normal.....but man, it doesn't seem normal at all. I feel like I am on vacation all the time....like I don't want to fully unpack. I've only hung a couple pictures on the wall. Our garage is full of boxes....ready for the next possible move.

 Sometimes I get little butterflies in my stomach. Excited for possibilities, thankful for opportunities, and overwhelmed with responsibilities.

And then I think of home again.....*sigh*.

7 comments:

Tara said...

Have been thinking about you and meaning to email to check in. If I don't do something right away, I'll forget to do it. Going to do it right now.

Tiffanie said...

Awww...so sorry my friend! I can only begin to imagine what you are FEELING right now. All I can say is that the Lord watches over you and protects you, He will guide your paths because I know that it is Him that you look for your compass. Enjoy all that NJ has to offer, and dream a little about what your future may hold!!!

Darcie said...

Moving is never easy whether it's here or there, near or far. Even when it's the right thing...it's not always the easiest thing. (Remind me to come read this in a few months.) ;-) Sam did sum it up perfectly! Glad to see a post! :-)

RV Puzzled said...

Yay for you blogging again. I'm glad you are finding the positive in NJ. I miss you so much but I get to see you soon!! xo

Wendy said...

"I miss having roots, familiarity, the security of family & friends, and the connections we had back home. It's sort of an odd feeling to not feel connected to where you live. It's exciting and nauseating all at once.

For now, this is our new normal.....but man, it doesn't seem normal at all. I feel like I am on vacation all the time....like I don't want to fully unpack. I've only hung a couple pictures on the wall. Our garage is full of boxes....ready for the next possible move."

Wow! Again I ask, are you SURE we aren't the same person??! I have SzO been there and often still am...it's tough. I know how blessed we are each day, but still want those roots....familiarity...the security of family and friends......connections.

I definitely understand this post. :)

really.truly said...

I'm glad you guys understand. It's such a strange thing, isn't it? Maybe it's also the grass is greener syndrome. Once I go home, I miss where we currently live. Crazy!
You guys are the best!

Jana Guild said...

Moving is so difficult - and especially when you had such close ties and that feeling of 'home'. It takes a long time to adjust and for things to feel like home. When we first moved to AZ - after we had been here for 3 years, we decided to move back 'home' to CA. It was not until I moved back to CA that I realized AZ WAS my home. I missed it so much, and I wanted to go back. But those three years, I felt every day that I had been dropped and abandoned on some strange planet where I did not belong.

You're making memories where you're at and someday you'll look back and you'll cherish them.

(I just noticed your comment - YES! The grass is always greener on the other side. So you've got to bloom where you are planted. Force yourself to focus on the day at hand and let yourself be excited about tomorrow!)

:)

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