Time for a little....heart on the sleeve moment.....
Do you ever have moments where you want to have a little tantrum over things going on in your life....but then you feel bad about that because you see there are so many blessing as well? Do you ever get annoyed because things don't fall into place, but you also see how others are going through far worse things.....so then you feel guilty for being a little baby about your situation? Am I making any sense here? It's ok if I'm not. That's the week I've had....I'm thankful....and irritated.....and grateful....and annoyed.....and......and.....ugh!!!
Let me first say that... I am semi-failing... at waiting to check my email until the afternoon. I don't have a whole lot going on in my little life right now.....checking email makes me feel a little connected. I am waiting, but not until the afternoon.
I'm feeling really lazy. I need to start prepping for our Jan-Feb move(nothing set in stone, yet), but I just can't physically get myself to. I've been gaining a little weight....just a few pounds around the middle. I need to start walking...something.....but again, the oomph is missing.
The big thing that has got me in a little slump....a slump that I am determined to get out of ....has to do with our living situation. I find this very ironic(maybe even hypocritical) because I had just being feeling content and so thankful for all we have. Suddenly....out of nowhere.....I'm really missing owning a home. I miss decorating. I know...so ridiculous....but I am so tired of these tan walls. On one hand I shout for joy for Kayla and her family.....and then on the other hand I am being a big grumpy baby...missing our huge yard and wide open floor plan. The thing that gets me really annoyed is that our rent is more than our mortgage was. If we were paying less....I would be thrilled. It would make living in our new space a bit more tolerable. The fact that housing is so outrageous in metro NJ just gets me mad.
I know....I told you that I am having a little tantrum. I have been having little panic attacks in the middle of the night.....wondering where is our "home". I feel like a nomad. Too many boxes sit unpacked in our garage....too many memories hidden away. I'm grieving over the house I dream about, but I'm also thankful over the opportunity that He has given us. How does that make any sense?
I'm all mixed up....is what I am. Like I said....I'm thankful.....and annoyed.....feeling guilty.....and grateful. Ugh.